Ahhh another day of work, thank god it's only training again I'm not ready to take on the world yet.
Up I got and got dressed in my not so awesome uniform......bler still looks bloody terrible. Once again it was a rush to get out of the house on time but we managed. Head to the childcare centre to drop little miss off.....all was going well until I went to leave. Oh my gosh my heart plummeted she looked at me and started crying her little heart out, I just wanted to grab her, hug her and tell her I was coming back. I did do that but then had to leave, I made sure she was distracted while I slipped out.
Work is so overwhelming, so much has changed in the last 13 months I feel like a newbie just out of the academy. How am I ever going to get my head around everything??? Legislation has changed, policy has changed, the way we do things like dispose of paperwork has changed I could feel my anxiety rising again. I spent most of the day in training again so it wasn't so bad again but I'm still feeling very in over my head.
By the end of the working day a few things had happened, I had caught up on some things at work which made a bit more sense AND I had been 100% with my food for the second day running.
Once again my intention was to go to gym after work and once again all I could think of was getting out of there and getting my little princess. I arrived at day care thinking surely she will be happy today, how wrong I was. The minute she saw me she started crying her little eyes out, it's like she thinks we aren't going to come and get her again.....ahh cue the mummy guilt.
Then I started thinking am I doing the right thing, maybe I should just stay home with her and make ends meet, but the interaction for her is great......ahhhh being a parent has so much baggage that no one tells you about.
I spent the night with my princess and hubby just enjoying the company. Yes I should have gone back into the gym but I didn't, and it's ok, I'm not going to feel guilty about it, I have so much on my plate at the moment. Then as we were sitting there watching and playing games with our beautiful daughter the most wonderful thing happened that made me forget how much of a shit day I had! My little princess at 10.5 months on remembrance day took her first unassisted steps......proudest moment of my life!!! Everything I'd been thinking that whole day in my head was gone, all I could see was this beautiful little creation smiling at me as she took steps.
I had a whole chicken which I got ready to put into the slow cooker the next morning, I figured it's easier than running around when I get home. So before I went to bed I got that organized with the spices and coated it, put it in the slow cooker pan and put it in the fridge.
Ahhh bed come at me.........I haven't done any exercise but I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Some wisdom for you all today and honestly the way I feel every day, am I just messing her up???:
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