Day 1 - The start of my journey!

Have you ever woken up one morning and had a complete epiphany?? I have and it happened last week..........

 

I guess I need to start at the beginning and tell you a little about myself.  I'm a 35 year old mummy of one beautiful 10 month old daughter named Sydney.  I'm married to the love of my life and well have enjoyed life A LOT!!! Wine is my Achilles heel.....mmm wine!

 

Ever since I can remember I have struggled with my weight and had the emotional baggage that comes with being a yo yo dieter!  I guess what can I expect when my 'family' gave me such wonderful nicknames growing up such as fatty and pigsy!  Now let me make this clear when I was a kid I was no where near fat I just had a very healthy appetite and siblings who were tall and skinny!!!

 

Throughout my teenage years I constantly struggled with body image always buying the latest magazine with some quick fix solution to get a flat stomach.  It really doesn't help being a young teenage girl looking at all the airbrushed perfect models in magazines.

 

Then there was the gym membership at 16, I paid a lot of money over 12 months to wind up going a handful of times because I had no idea what I was doing.  I ate a lot of food I shouldn't have but hey I was a teenager that's what we do. 

 

Fast forward to when I turned 18 I had the joys of going through a very emotional relationship break down.  This saw my weight plummet to a mere 54 kilos which on a frame of 5'6 is not very much.  I know now I had an eating disorder, every time my emotionally hurt brain looked in the mirror all I saw was a fat person that this boy no longer wanted. ( I say boy because that's essentially what he was ).

 

I kept my 'low' weight with a combination of binge eating and drinking on weekends!  Off I went to University enjoyed the good life, put on weight did all those fun things you do at uni lots of alcohol and eating.  Over the next 13 years I have yo yo dieted, my weight has fluctuated dramatically over that period of time from very low to what I would class as very high (little did I know what was to come).  I have tried a number of diets you name it I've tried it!  Everything from shakes, rabbit food promising fast results which it delivered but I piled it all on again to pre packaged food delivered to me and flogging myself at the gym for 6 days a week a couple of hours a day.  I guess to be honest I got results with all of them some more than others, I always kept it off for a period of time some longer than others then it all came back again!

 

When I was 29 I started working in job that required shift work.......whoa........my body really suffered then. Eating at all hours of the day and night pretty much what ever was in my fridge or 24 hour McDonalds.  We cant forget the wine, wine and more wine and throw some beer in as well!  Suffice to say my weight blossomed to a lovely 89 kilos........WTF!!!!

 

In December 2011 I got married, I worked hard before hand flogging myself endlessly at the gym for six days a week keeping my calories at 1200 because that's what the 'experts' told me.  I looked ok on my wedding not skinny like I would have liked but I felt comfortable.

 

Fast forward to April 2012....YAY....we were expecting our first bubba how exciting.  I suffered severe back pain during my pregnancy making walking hard let alone any sort of exercise.  I kept my weight under control until about 28 weeks then I started blossoming.  I have no idea how much I weighed when I gave birth to my daughter on the 20th of December but I imagine it was well over 100 kilos!

 

After the pregnancy I experienced a lot of pain within my body, I was unable to stand some days without nearly collapsing.  It was found that my body was showing the same sort of symptoms as an 80 year old person with arthritis.....thanks pregnancy.  So my weight blossomed from 94 kilos (post pregnancy weight) up to an awesome 99!

 

I've cried, I've tried, I've walked, I've talked but still my weight sits at 98 kilos.

 

On the 26th of September I messaged a friend on facebook with the following picture telling her I wanted this body minus the stretchmarks and all.

 

Her exact words to me........How much do you want it. I can get you the body can't promise the stretch marks lol............hmmmm interesting!  My interest was pricked but I made all the excuses I could including 'we are going to have another baby eventually I will deal with my weight after that!

So I trundled along for the next few weeks not really doing anything of significance still eating what I wanted, had my glasses of wine at night time and of course did my walks a few times a week.

 

Fast forward another few weeks, I had a ball to go to it was to raise money for Breast Cancer.  I didn't fit anything I had to buy those god awful suck me in undies to even look half descent......bler I felt and looked horrible!  I was at the stage where I didn't want to look at me clothed let alone have my husband look at me naked! PING.....there was that epiphany.....nothing was going to get better unless I changed!

 

On the 20th of October a full month nearly after I first questioned her about it I contacted Sarah Page a qualified level 4 Metabolic Precision trainer and said........Ok you said to ask if I need help I do need help this weight isn't shifting and I feel like crap!!!!!

 

After a whirlwind week of getting things going I'm now at day 1 of my journey.  I've made a commitment to my trainer to give her 24 weeks! 

 

All I have to say is wow so much information to digest.  I'm scared of failing, I feel like a dumb arse when it comes to nutrition and exercise as well.  I did my first FIRE session today lets just say holy bejesus my body is going to hate me tomorrow.  Apart from the fact that I managed to dead lift 32 kilos instead of the 12 I was supposed to....oops.....the rest went quite well.  Its a learning curve for me who has never really attempted proper guided weight training I'm a cardio girl through and through.

 

Tomorrow I tackle the ICE component of this weeks exercises.  I know it won't be easy Sarah has told me that but hey nothing is in life!  I have my goals in my mind and I'm using this blog to keep me accountable and to share my ups and downs.